Under my palm

Under my palm are my veins
And my veins reach my heart
If u put ur hand in mine
U’ll be able to trace the passages
To the place, where I keep ur memories

U would know,
of the unmentioned and the unsaid,
of unexpressed longings
of hope in my gloom
of chaos amidst my peace
of fear in my silence
and the tears in my laughs

the tears in my laughs
yes, of the tears in my laughs

Hope is cruelty

Life’s a burden and hope’s cruelty

When every tomorrow is yesterday
When movable seems immovable
When dynamic is stagnant
When happening has faded
When the emptiness of present scares away the occurrences of tomorrow
When u kill time and pride,

when you see swarm people jostling around you and you don’t care about being lost, coz you got nowhere to go.

When the world seems too small to be revolving and when u are its centre, something u have been for decades and shall be for centuries. Yes when the world is stagnant around u.

When u are in da middle of a desert and u know da nearby pond is a mirage and da cactus u are chewing is poisonous. yet the pond has remained there in ur eyes for decades, days and even nights, quenching your thirst. When u have more poison than the cactus.

The beautiful life just doesn’t seem to worsen. When the night sky is a moment and so is da day.when u feel to be the air around, the sand beneath, the sky above and the fake God inside.

When the sanctity of peace is inviolabe. When hope and fear have been long dead. When joy and war are greek. when anger and honour have withered.

When u have never been idle nor busy,

when u are neither alive nor dead

when u have had ur last beer

It is then when u need the end to set u free.

May be faded

And when he’s written it all
He wishes he could write

After years of pain, anger, suffering, hatred, agony...
Its vellications of joy and happiness he longs for

After countless stares, its plastic smiles he longs for
After decades of solitude, its delusions of love, he longs for
After centuries of insanity, its imperfection, he longs for
After infinities of silence, its frailty of words, he longs for
After burials of pens, its da resurrection of dat barless prison he longs for
After an era of darkness, its da obstruction of day he longs for
After a lifetime of strength, its human weakness, he longs for

He’s had his share of truths, its fake promises he longs for
No more eternal dreams, its feeble memories he longs for

His canvas, still, plain white,(may be faded),yet, its da darkness of red he longs for

May be another pen

He wants to cry but he can’t. He’s forgotten this art. He wants the warmth of a heart to succumb into. None he finds. He looks for the same in memories. But, none he finds. He’s always been alone, stoic. Even when in love. They loved each other but he always listened. She would provoke him, but his heart would never speak. Since his birth,its been getting heavier. Since her, he’s been writing. his pen has cried his tears, suffered his heavy heart. Every drop of ink on paper is a tear down his heart. His paper wet, pen about to collapse, he looks for a confidant. May be another pen. Will he ever find a human heart. is he afraid or distrusts them all. Its still very heavy, while he’s burying his pen.

Someday, when many pens have cried his heart, when he’s buried them all and when its too heavy to stand by himself. He’ll find a human heart. he’ll succumb to this one. it’ll speak when someone’s listening and may be , it’ll cry. Cry. May be for the last time.

She’ll never know why, yet dares to question

Her silence threatens me,
That expressionless, stern face
What makes her so strong,
Why cant she be weak and weep it off
Why doesn’t she crumble in my arms and beg me to take her away
What drives her to resist the pain and prolong the agony
Time will not heal this
My arms no more soothe her

All she was made of, was me, all they robbed was me
Weak, unlike her, I collapse,
I sob amidst my ruins,
I hear, their laughs, her screams, deafenin
She feels, tattered me.

All they desired, her body,
laid before them, like a sheet of canvas,
bare, just as it once did before me
and all they could paint was white
The pictures, faded
All the love, washed in black
Existent, yet not
Unaffected, yet not


They have strengthened her, they have shattered me
She’s never alone, their memories haunt her, they have gifted me an abyss.
They have given her silence, they’ve robbed my calm.
They have released her, they have captured me.
Her desires.....blown apart, my dreams unaffected.


Neither are they dead, nor alive.
She doesn’t know them, yet they recognize her
She can blame them, yet cannot forgive herself

She’ll never know why, yet dares to question
Why did they rape her

I shall not break free, but the chains


She’s no more the same.
So am I.
I have unlearned to cry and forgotten to laugh,
Indifferent, is how i have become.
Yet lonely
Its not the emptiness dats killing me,
Bu the slow killing dats abandonning me.
I no more even complain,
For I know, that deaf carnal is beautiful.
My screams, confined, My tears, tamed, And My pain, subdued.
I no more dream, i am not scared, but plain helpless.
I have lived my tomorrow,
Yesterday, i know, never existed.
Bereaved is not how i feel,
Its just the birth that I long for.
Nothing shall matter less,
Yet the agony, forces me to breathe.
I shall not break free, but the chains
I shall not rust, but the chains
I can feel her lips move, she still sobs
She knows, this blind carnal of mine is lustful.
The beautiful shall remain free to chase love.
The salacious shall remain destined, to be bound by love.
The ocean of free solitude is what I desired
The desert of bound loneliness is what I got

this vampyric addiction, n your full submission

U were different.
Ur existence was meaningless to u, yet u had an identity.
Ur friends missed u in ur absence.
Yes u even had friends.
Friends who cared for u, despite ur meaningless existence.

U laughed with heart, u cried in sorrow, U even capered in circles singing songs.

Yes u had a heart, just like those children still have one.
Yes, sorrow affected u, & extracted tears.
Believe me, u could sing.
Not only your words but even your voice was much sweeter.


Look at u now.
Ur carnal stinks greed, your eyes speak of the vacuum inside u.
Lies are all u manage to verbalize with this fat mouth.
U maintain an ego far beyond your dignity.
U have become a self sustaining mean machine

U believe , your existence has found meaning.
U want, exactly what those opulent swines want u to want.
U left the calm of your village to keep their Sodom at bay.

U laugh just like them, with your lips.
They made a man out of u, u no more shed tears,
They‘ve taught u to cry with eyes.

They’ve taught u to talk with meaning, & call it being rational.
Forget singing, it never satiated any lust.

They’ve nurtured ur talents & they welcome u to the whorehouse.
They enjoy the comfort of the absence of your identity.
They gave ur existence a meaning, only to rob u of ur identity.
U are a blend of them, just like they are, a blend of many like u.

U are rusted and weathered , barely holding together.
Avarice is u, deceit is ur deliverance, material are your desires.

U too have become like them, a puppet
Playing ur anonymous part in this huge play.
Go on please ur master (I doubt, u even know him).

tyranny of morals

I believe we all agree that social conduct is about finding the right blend morals and wickedness. Latter fulfils our ambitions not in accordance with our talents while morals give breath to our inner conscience. And since human beings have different definitions for desires and ethics we are moral and wicked to different extents. We all have a ready example of utmost wickedness on our tongue be it Hitler, Stalin or even our neighbour. But none of utmost morality. May be because every time we lean towards wickedness, we feel our wickedness vindicated by that example. And we further our march towards insatiable greed. Wickedness brings us the pleasure of joy while morals, the satisfaction of pain.

Yes the tyranny of morals lies atop the mountain of satisfaction and sacrifice.
Men take pride in their morals and claim them as a choice of personal conduct. At times, morals overshadow the man they represent. While the man feels secure in his thorny garden of self esteem and sacrifice, his morals become those barbed wires that squeeze out every drop of material achievement and joy out of him.
Such a man not only succeeds murdering his desires but also unknowingly wounds those, who dream of earthly pleasures with/for him. He loses his rationality and distances himself from worldly reality. He lifts himself to that virtual world of his own, from where he looks down in disgust at real men. He wears his morals as an inseparable code of honour and he worships them as his idols. He even faiths his doubts. Such a man is not ruled by the democracy of his surroundings, nor by the anarchy of his desires, nor the oligarchy of his talents but by the tyranny of his morals.

Deep down we know of the beast inside us all and also of the saint deeper down.
It’s the beast’s existence we shy to approve of & the tyranny of morals we don’t strive for, yet claim.

Just like humans we are imperfect. (enough demon-like to achieve, sufficient angelic to help achieve)

This young carnal and dat old mind

There’s a young man feeling old

Trying to induce that dat dead feeling in his veins

He fights hard to induce something he calls reality

He builds his own prison, trying to immunize himself from the turbulence of this world.

He appreciates an old man’s beard, he eyes the excitement of a stalled life.

He feels he can do all he wants in that small prison of his own.

That prison he builds brick by brick, every brick he lays gives him courage to lay the next one. Every moment of joy he denies that awaits him outside those strong walls, he tastes victory. He wears his own grace in his own eyes. He carefully watches every breath a possible intruder takes beyond those walls, yet not reacts.

He’s dat stranger who can rob all your serenity and gift you all dat undying fervour dat ‘ll force u to serve all his fancies with ur coat of honour off ur stinking carnal.

He believes dat a graveyard is a glimpse of wicked future in your foolish present
He worships it.

He finds solace in graveyard, there he feels enlightened and proud.
Every second he wastes in building, he hastens to his desire Of being old, vacuous, void, simple, immune and close to reality.

He loves his vaccum dare not intrude u might hurt urself, u’ll enter wid grace and will end up gifting him all before leaving.u’ll leave wid memories, he’ll have none.

Ur absence is all he desires, dis is something he won’t ever tell u. He won’t show u da exit but it’ll be there right in front of u everywhere in his prison. U may enter, he won’t stop u, he appreciates human concern (if any), he respects human anxiety but he’ll doubt ur faith.

He scoffs behind ur back, at ur inability to affect him, for he believes u deserve it.
It’s That young man who has written this.
Pray for the young man and forgive him, he’s little too young

It was raining love dat February

It was raining love dat February

February rains are wickedly cold

These cold myopic rains leave u dry

Tears are all da wet u are left with

My life is flooded with famines,

I wanted none more

Dat February I took refuge in dat very same old prison

Dat heart shaped prison

I thought, as a captive,

I had conquered dat heart a long-long time ago,

I expected comfort amidst da familiar arid walls of dat heart,

I thought those arid walls will save me from the cold rains outside

The walls were same, as they were, when I left them

Except for, they had developed cracks,

Many males had stayed there,

Since I left them faminished,

Faminished of love

They all men, stayed here for really short durations,

But in their stay they created these cracks,

Those cracks speak of those men’s efforts to escape that bar-less prison

And those innocuous cracks cry, when it rains outside,

May be this February too, it’ll all be the same,

I’ll be flooded to famine,

I’ll get wet to be left cold & dry,

But this time not alone,

These cracks have stolen her immunity

For da first time, it’ll rain in dat heart,

For da first time she’ll get wet to be left dry

May be dis time I’ll never walk out of dis prison,

May be dis time she’ll enter mine,

May be these rains wouldn’t leave us all dry

why recession in the us economy?

What is recession: is a decline in the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) for two or more consecutive quarters. Though there are many other definitions.

Believe me like my all other blogs this one too vents out , out off desperation.

Though this blog (unlike my other) not being on a girl , but is surely on love. Our inevitable love of markets. to start with, I would plagiarise, by reiterating “lot as happened in the market in the last 4 days.

What are we scared of :the so called “credit crunch”. Credit crunch is (generally) sudden reduction in availability of loans or the sudden increase in the cost of obtaining a loan.

Why this: because a huge amount of debt has already built up over the last 1 and a half decade. And a large amount of that is mortgage loan (which generally takes a lot 10 -30 years to return) since us has a highly developed market for mortgage loans.

So the banks might have to take around 1-2 trillion $ of mortgages back on their balance sheets. That will lead to a severe restraint on lending (by banks), which will feedback into the economy in various ways which I’ll discuss later.

Why such leveraged lending:

a)exports by low cost producers such as India and china over the last decade or so have controlled inflation in the US. Hence interest rates could accordingly be kept low overthere, since no fear of inflation. And low interest rates lead to more inflation.

b)and also countries such as India and china prefer to save than spend. so the money we saved on exports, a small part of that large money went back to US in form of investments. Leading to increase in asset prices in the US, keeping inflation same at the same time. since inflation is decided by a large number of factors.

So now we what a credit crunch is & why such a situation has arrived in the US.

And might come in a few other developed economies too.eg. uk, spain, ireland

Why is this credit crunch affecting stock markets:

a) when people need money and are not getting it from banks , they sell liquid assets like stocks.

b) large amount of financial engineering (somthing I really love).that is. share buy backs being funded by debts.

Buyback: is when a company takes(buyes back) certain amount of its shares from the market. This is generally done in order to increase the cost of shares, and as is evident it is done by companies whose stokes become stagnant. (ie. They are decreasing supply in order to raise prices). Now when this is done by companies which are not making cash as fast as they are buying back, this would lead to leverage buying. And since most buybacks these days are debt funded, it leads to leveraged debts. And also share prices generally stagnate of those companies which are not making huge profits.

And buybacks are investor forced. ie. Generally investors or their representations such as hedge funds or mutual funds (which acquire a huge say in the company by buying huge stakes) pressurize companies to do so.

And as is pretty clear these debt funded buybacks generally take a lot of time to return loans and rarely falter also.

c) And also the profits of many companies are financed (by debts). this is done for a good balance sheet (and most importantly investor confidence).

Now that sounds trouble.

There have been many other factors related to bad debts such as flawed loan rating policies.

Wait for the next one , lot yet to come regardin what the US should do to minimize its effect and how India can parry off this blow

Yes. U’ll be there when I am gone.

Gone with all mine, mine that was all u

U that u never found, U that u always misunderstood

U that misunderstood lust for passion

Lust that u satiated by obsession

Lust that would never even bring pain, pain that always brought pleasure with it

Pleasure that u’ll always long for

Yes. U’ll be there when I am gone.

U’ll be there to find urself sick of ur fantacies

Sick of all u got, but never desired

Desires that will never be fulfilled

For u thought urself to be ur desire

Yes. U’ll be there when I am gone.

Be there to know u are incomplete

Be there 2 know u too are human

2 figure out da shadows of ur losses amidst the brightness of ur victories,

Victories in battles that were never a part of ur war

War dat u never recognized as ur own

U’ll be there searching me, when I am all around u

You’ll be there trying to place me in memories, of which I was never a part

U’ll be there to find urself defeated

U’ll there vindicating urself by blaming me,

Blaming me for not taking initiatives , initiatives that u never saw,

never saw for u didn’t want to see them,

Yes. U’ll be there 2 find urself defeated once again